As 2012 comes to an end, I have been thinking and looking back on everything that has happened in a year's worth of adventures, difficult times, happiness, struggles and achieved goals. When I look back at all that, I realize how blesses I have grown to be this year and I thought why not share it! I decided to start something I have always wanted to do, which is exactly this; having a blog. Ironically, today is the last year of 2012, but the first day of me posting. I am excited to share my thoughts and feelings and as my blog title says; what is "Inside Flor's Heart".
Looking back at 2012, I cant really complain. I began in January with a new job, as I became the babysitter of 2 month old Sydney & Elliot! Its been an entire year of being part of their life and them of mine and I have learned so much and grown as well. I have always had a love for children, but it wasn't until I started this job that I realized how great my love really is. Yes, there were many difficult times with the kids and a lot of times where I felt I was about to loose my patience, but the truth is these kids kept me alive and smiling on a daily basis. Their innocence and dependency on me, made me become and even more caring and mature person. Knowing that the lives of not only one but two babies was in my hands and the responsibility of impacting their lives as they learned from me, made me a better person. I have always known I am meant to be a mother one day, and I cant begin to explain how greater that feeling and desire became as the days went by with them.
Sydney & Elliot are now 13 months and have been getting cuter by the minute. As the year ends, so does my time with them and my heart has a bitter/sweet feeling. I knew this day would come but not so soon... I have been blessed to start a new job in January and the kids have moved on to day care. It saddens me that I will not get to see them on a daily basis anymore but I am very happy of the impact they have made in my life and have been able to call them my babies for a year.
As the year progressed I received many blessings. I was able to establish an better communication with my dad and my family after moving out of my house 2 years ago, and be able to be the friends we have always been. I was able to get closer to both my brother and sister and became to take part in the family reunions again with out feeling left out and awkward. It was a big struggle but I managed to do it and have my family see me for who I am and love me as such.
With that also came my desire and willingness to give "love" a shot and look for "the one". Even though I still havent found him, I did get my self back to that dating world and one specific person, opened my heart to want to love again and trust that my future someone is out there. Things obviously didn't work out between us, as I am still single but I was abale to gain something I had lost a long the way. I learned to love myself for who I am and sync my heart and mind to the same channel as to what I look for in my significant other. I now know that I want a serious relationship and I have been able to define what makes it serious for me. I have set standards for myself but most importantly I have opened my heart to believe in love again and want to love.
After the summer, I began great friendships and got close to people I hadn't before. I found joy in different things and gave people a chance. I gained not only friends but also families and their families became mine. My biggest blessing and closest relationship I built this year was my friend Laura. She came into my life a while back as we graduated from the same bachelors degree, but this year she came into my life at a perfect timing. I was in a point where I thought my life was great even with all the struggles I face and all the difficult times that come with it. Now I know God was missing and that I was not all complete. She showed me the "light", as I call it, and I got close to God and experienced his presence like I had never before. I involved myself in church and found not wanting to leave. Even thought there are a lot of things I still need and want to accomplish, with God in my heart and in my life, I feel complete. As complete as I can ever be, and with him I can face and over come it ALL!
This end of the year 2012 as I look back at everything, I have to say it was a pretty great year and the first of my life I would say. But I am not talking about the others being worst that this one as every year comes with its ups and downs. The difference this year and the reason why I am able to smile and say I had a great year is because of my change of attitude. I grew as a person, both professionally and personally, I got closer to my family and friends and I found the love I have always longed for, God gave it to me. Years before these I couldn't say the same and there were many times where I gave myself the right to complain, but that doesn't get you anywhere. It only grows your pity party and gives you a useless excuse to feel bad about yourself instead of lifting your heart and have faith that things will get better.
It has only been a little more than a month that I allowed Christ into my life, and I honestly believe that because of how much Jesus has filled my heart with hope, love and joy that as much as I want to think back on this year only good things pop up. God became my filter into only seeing the positive and learning from the negative. Yes there are many bad things that happened this year but now instead of feeling sorry for myself and complaining, I have learned to see those things as my biggest blessings because they made me who I am today.
As this year ends for you, instead of analyzing if it was a good or bad year, why dont you simply give thanks for being able to live one more year. With so many deaths and tragedies this year, just the fact of being alive makes me feel blessed. Because wether the feeling is good or bad, I get to feel, I get to experience, I get to loose, I get to live, I get to love and I get to be here! I thank God for everything in my life and for allowing me to see this year thru optimistic eyes and love in my heart!
2013... what great things will you bring? :)
