Unshakable Faith

There comes a time in your walk with Christ as a new believer, when your faith is tested and your trust in God is either strengthened or weakened. I am beyond blessed to say that my faith and trust in Christ, have recently been strengthened in such a beautiful way! As you might have read from my previous posts, I am still a fairly new Christian, and as my faith keeps growing, the walk with Christ gets that much more rewarding but that the same time it can get that much more difficult. 

A recent dating experience lead me to fully understand the word of God and to completely abide and grasp on to Jesus as tightly as I have yet to do. I now fully understand how God allows us to go through hard situations in order to strengthen us and show us how powerful his love, grace and mercy are upon our lives. 

From the last time that I published my last blog entry, I was in a "perfect" place. Waiting on Jesus, giving him all that I am and trusting His will over my own. As the hopeless romantic that I am, you would think all I needed was that special someone in my life. But the truth is, that I was not feeling that way at all. I had Jesus, I was dating Him! <3 And as people always say that your significant other shows up when you are least expecting it, it kinda is true. I say kinda because I was not expecting to and wanting to date anyone, though this person was not "The One", I had a good experience, but I am still waiting on my prince charming :)

 I met (let's call him Andrew) at my church without anyone introducing us. He had just gotten to El Paso and was new at the church. We quickly connected, as we both shared a lot of the same past struggles and a friendship soon started rising. Though as we spend more and more time together, a relationship grew and prayerfully we both agreed we wanted to get to know each other more inviting God to be the center of our relationship :) 

Everything was great until things started drifting in not such a positive way. I don't in anyway write this blog post to speak badly of Andrew, but rather to share the victory in Christ I have found through trials and God's refining fire. Andrew had just completed bible college and anxiously waiting on his opportunity to do what God has called him to do, Preach. I was excited for him, but God had put in my heart that it comes with time before anyone can be trusted with sharing God's word with a congregation, and that Andrew was not quite ready. I know that he knew this as well, yet his hunger to preach the word overtook him and let him to a very bumpy road, taking me alongside. 

Knowing the bible from cover to cover as he had obtained a theology degree, soon my faith started shaking as the enemy slowly lied to me about not knowing God's word as good as Andrew. I started to believe that my heart felt prayers were not good enough for God if I could not pray with memorized scripture. I started to compare myself with Andrew and wanted what he had. But the truth is that there is a big difference between holding scripture in your brain and in your heart. I choose to hold it in my heart, not word for word, but knowing and holding on to God's promises and truth. And my prayers are as powerful as anyone's can be. Prayer is speaking to God and telling him what truly lies within your heart. Yes, praying with scripture is powerful, but remember that God meets us where we are at. He doesn't need too be impressed by how we pray, all He wants is our love and the opportunity to show us how much He loves and cares for us. 

Being as physically fit as Andrew is, the enemy used him to try and shake my self worth. Making me look at myself as if I needed to change the way I look and my weight in order to be accepted. Going to the gym is important and much more is living a healthy life. The bible clearly says that our bodies are a temple of the holy spirit, but God loves us as we are. If He accepts us just the way we are, no one should tell us different or make us feel as if we should have to change. 

Alongside came lies of the enemy about my past. Making me feel as if what I have done before I came to Christ defines me and that it will always follow me. Yes, I will not and no can can ever erase from your memory past hurts, struggles and sins; but with Christ we are fully redeemed! He forgives us and He also forgets! The from time to time instances that we remember those hurts, struggles or sins, serve the purpose of reminding us of what Christ has done for us, and that only through Him can we be cleansed and our sins washed away. One should not allow the lies of the enemy to use a person to condemn, because as we are in Christ, we know we have victory through Him! 

As Andrew's desired to preach grew and grew without any fast enough movement for him at our church, he decided to pursue his calling at another church. I followed him. It was only two weeks that I was away from my church, and God used those 2 weeks mightily to put me through a fire I overcame with Christ by my side. I learned that yes God is everywhere, but I don't need to move unless God moves me. As you might know, I am part of the prayer team at my church and I have found intercession to be my calling. Interceding for someone in prayer is doing things behind the scenes. No one knows and no one sees you. As such there are things that I do in my church that come with no worldly rewards or praises, and the enemy through Andrew was trying to make me believe that I needed those praises and recognition. The only recognition I need is from God and the truth is that the greatest works are done when no one is watching. I am ok with that! Yes, we all need and like being recognized for a job well done. But just because you don't receive them how you expect them, does not mean you aren't getting them. 

I also learned that there is no perfect church. Why? Well because the church is us, the body of Christ and we are not perfect. We cannot please each other all the time, but you don't stop doing God's calling in your life because of that. You don't stop in your calling because things aren't moving fast enough in your timing, but rather in God's timing. You don't do things for the church and for God with your heart and expect worldly praises and recognition. You don't move and run around from places or situation just because things are too hard and you don't see or feel God's works. You trust God 100% and place everything in His will, or you place nothing at all. 

Throughout this time I began a job at a restaurant and couple weeks into it, I helped Andrew get a job there as well. He started working there a day after we had broken up. You can imagine the struggle that was! After a hard couple months relationship and having left my church following a man and not Jesus, God opened my eyes and showed me what I needed to learn from this experience. There are many times where I would cry to my prayer team at church and say I was ready to quit! That I didn't want to work there any longer and that I didn't want to see him anymore. But God was showing me to be obedient and to be faithful that He would bring me through this. For the first time in 18 years of living in the U.S. I was finally working legally and I could not walk away from a door of employment God had clearly opened for me. 

I also learned from this situation, the value of verses 23-24 in Colossians 3. 

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:23-24

Yes the work was hard and for a moment I felt I hated it! I didn't want to be there because I didnt want to see Andrew, but through these verses I was reminded that I work for God. That everything I do in my life is to bring Him honor and glory. That regardless of the situation, I needed to be faithful.

In the two weeks that I left my church and that my relationship with Andrew was coming to an end, God put on my heart 1 Corinthians 10:13 

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

God was showing me that I had made a mistake by leaving my church, but that He was right there with me to help me. He put in my heart "a second chance" and I knew He was directing me back to my church. The relationship I had with Andrew was a bit abusive as much as it hurts to admit. I don't think he is  aware of that, but I know God allowed it to show me and strengthen me. He knows what I can bare and before I knew it He was already helping me out. In this same verse, God was telling me that I had faced a temptation very common to people, placing another person higher than God and following that person. But again, God was, is and will be faithful! No matter what mess we might get into, He will always help us to get out of it and give us that second chance. 

As I left my church those two weeks, I later learned upon returning how faithful the prayer team was to lift me up in prayer and trust God that I would be ok. Some of them confess to me that they knew what was going on but God put in their hearts that I was going to learn something from it and that all they could do was trust Him and pray for me. I am amazed at their obedience and how powerfully their prayers covered me and lead me back to my church and my prayer team. Of course all that happen caused some hurt and God in this situation taught me humility and be able to ask forgiveness from those whom I hurt. (Whether I was aware of it or not that I had hurt them!).

An even bigger lesson came with family. My parents saw right through Andrew from the get go, yet I refused to listened. Andrew justified my parent's disapproval of him by reminding me that they are not believers. That I couldnt please them in everything I did and that I needed to do things for my self. He showed me Luke 14:26-27.

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:26-27

But God did not allow me to misinterpret this teaching Jesus brings! He call us to hate but not in literal terms! He rather used that term to mean that we must love everything else less than we love Him. That if we don't love God with all our hearts and above all then we cannot follow Him. Its a commandment! But another commandment is to honor your father and your mother... Then God had me read the following verses where Jesus explains about building a tower. He calls us to analyze the cost following Him. But he also is teaching us to analyze the cost in everything we do in life. clearly this says to me that you either make a decision and go all in, or you don't. God doesn't want for us to do things half way! 

Lastly, I learned also the meaning of verses 6-7 in 1 Peter 1. 

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." - 1 Peter 1:6-7

I see how this relationship was a teaching me how God sees me and what He knows I can handle. He loves me just the way that I am and knows my strength as to allow the enemy to tempt me and lie to me knowing that I would pass the test! It was very painful emotionally realizing the manipulation I was under with Andrew by leaving my church, hating work and even almost hating myself and the way I look. Questioning my calling from God and seeking rewards from serving that I have already received abundantly from Christ himself! These verses hold truth as the hurt was for a little while (2 months) and my faith was refined by fire through the trials faced. As a result, as I have titled this post, I saw my "Unshakable Faith" in Christ; resulting in giving Him all the honor, praise and glory! :D

I also learned that, in situations like this is when we fully trust in God as there is nothing physically that we can do to better the situation. We loose a self dependence and start to depend on God alone just as James McConey explains.

"Faith is dependence upon God. And this God-dependence only begins when self dependence ends. And self-dependence only comes to its end, with some of us, when sorrow, suffering, affliction, broken plans and hopes bring us to that place of self-helplessness and defeat. I believe the Lord allows many things to happen on purpose to make us feel our need for Him"  

-James McConkey

But the greatest teaching thus far and the reason for my Unshakable Faith in Christ I know share about is in Romans. Regardless of what was thrown at me, God used it for GOOD! I had a bad dating experience, but God showed me how to be more careful next time. My desire to one day find "the one" seemed to be fulfilled but as it wasn't God protected me and cared for my heart enough that I still believe Mr Right is out there. I know that whether believers or not, my parents have my best interest and I honor that. I respect their opinions, take their advice and honor them in my relationships just as God has called me to do. I also have strengthened my prayers by knowing that God hears me when I speak to him. And that the best place to hold on to His word is in my heart and not my memory. I am able to look myself in the mirror and accept myself for who I am and not let weight or a pant size define me. I have learned to care for my body to be healthy and to hold truth that my body is a temple of the holy spirit, but I am not obsessed with unreasonable weight and know that the man God has for me will love me just as God created me! 

As far as work is concerned, Andrew no longer works there. I have to say I am not happy that he lost his job, but I know that all the patterns I saw in our relationship caused him to loose his job. I pray for him and ask God to care for him in his walk with Christ and to direct him in the right path to his calling. And just as hard as it was to work with him there and how much I wanted to quit, God honored my trust in him. I prayed that either one of us would be called to something else and he answered my prayer. God opened this job opportunity, and as tense as it was, I now am enjoying it so much and just love my job! :)

And so whatever the enemy or life itself decides to throw my way, whatever hard situations God allows to come my way, all I can say is that it is true... God works all things for the good of us who he has called and who love him! 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." -Romans 8:28

If you are walking with Christ, don't let the fiery darts of the enemy scare you. Don't be surprised when he attempts to shake your faith, to lie to you and to make you doubt. He is always looking for the strongest to fall, but God has your back and He is walking before you! Know that you are not alone, that we all face trials and bumps along the way, but the good news is that Christ already has overcome for us. 

What hard situation are in right now? What unbearable burden drowns you? are you finding yourself at a dead end street? Are you questioning god why such things happen to you? May I make a suggestion? Instead of asking Him why, why don't you ask Him for help? Trust that He will work out all things and used them for good in your life. Allow Him to help you out of that situation and once you are out, He will show you why. I promise, I know so because He says it in His word and He has shown me. I know He can do the same for you. all you gotta do is trust Him, in return God will give you an Unshakable Faith. 

The Freedom to chose Him

It has been two months since I wrote the last post to this blog "A little bit of freedom and God's greatness", and two months in which God has worked so incredibly in my heart and my walk with Christ. If you recall from this last post, I talk about the freedom I received from obtaining my work permit and how after 18 years I was finally free from facing deportation and free to reach my full potential. Well at the time I wrote that blog I was overwhelmed by God's grace on my life and the wonderful gift he had given me. However, I never imagined the price that comes with freedom and how scary it can be to have that freedom.

In this post I want to share the struggle I faced by both the freedom of this world and the freedom in Christ. I receive my work permit and one excitement that I did not share in my last post is that my permit would also allow me to travel to my best friend's wedding. Two days after defending my thesis I got on a plane New York City bound! I cannot begin to describe the joy in my heart, as I got to the airport and I was not there to say goodbye or to receive a loved one or a friend. I was there to get on the plane myself, for the very first time! I was there to travel after 18 years of being in El Paso with no vacation, and without being able to go through a check point. I got to the airport with no fear in my heart and with God right beside me. 

So many times, I had the choice to risk traveling places. I still remember everything they would tell me to encourage me to go and not be nervous:

"You speak perfect english" 

"You will not be going alone, its a bunch of us" 

"They never check anything, I doubt its gonna happen this time" 

"Dont be sacred, if you dont take risks you will never enjoy life, you will never know" 

"Dude they didnt ask us for anything, you should have traveled with us"

Many times I thought about it and I almost went, then the fear of deportation and being caught would come into my mind and I stepped back. I missed out on vacation trips with family, conference opportunities and college competitions, just for fun weekend get aways, spring break trips and so many more. But something in my heart always told me that my time would come, that I needed to be patient and wait. And then New York City! It felt as if God was rewarding me for all those times that I didn't take the risk. All those small trips that I could have taken were compensated in the overwhelming city NYC is. God was being good to me, my time had finally come. 

I flew into the city at night time and I was excited to see all the lights from the plane, but I didn't get a sense of NYC until the next day that I saw it with my own eyes. I have to admit it was so overwhelming that it brought tears to me eyes when I saw the building and the beauty fo the city. I couldn't believe I was there, it felt like a dream. But then the struggle began, all that beauty of such city soon became to consume me. Living illegally for so many years had taught me to adapt to situations and places quickly. So fast paced as I had been living was perfect fitting for New York. By the time I was there, I had completed my thesis, I was officially done with my degree. I was an Engineer in New York City. 

I talked to so many people and soon began to realize my potential. Before leaving to NYC I had my heart set in El Paso and my church. I left thankful for what God was doing in my life and wanting to find a job and stay with my family and my church. I knew I was an engineer of course, but at the time it didn't matter. I thought to myself that I didn't care for the title, all I wanted was to follow God. My feelings were shifting in this trip and so was my heart, as I was tasting freedom of the world and as Jay-Z sings, I was experiencing "The city of sin". It soon started getting into my head, "I am an engineer, I can get a job anywhere, I have a work permit now,  I dont have to stay in El Paso, I can even come and live here to NYC or where ever I want,  I can find another church, God is everywhere...." "I, I, I, selfish I"

It is true, God is everywhere, but I dont need too look anywhere else to find Him but my own heart. That is the most important place that He should be at. I came back to El Paso with a struggle in my heart wanting to find a balance and a way to have both, the world and God. If I could describe it with a picture, I felt as if God had shown me the world and what I could be in it and asking me which one I desired more. I saw two hands, the hand of the world and the hand of Jesus; in my heart the question "which one do you choose to hold on to?" The freedom of my permit also came with the freedom to choose. The freedom to USE what God had made of me to please the world and be consumed by its disguised beauty, or to BE what God has created, called me and made of me to be. To choose between the world and God. 

I chose and still choose HIM, Him who died for me, Him who set me free from myself, Him who has loved me when I couldn't love myself, Him who has restored me and fixed every single detail of my broken heart, Him who has forgiven me and taught me to forgive, Him who has provided and cared for me every step of the way. I choose Jesus. I choose to struggle everyday that I need to in His name. As a friend today shared with me, "I choose to die to myself daily, denying myself, picking up my cross  daily and following Him."

It was very hard coming back to El Paso and having the Lord re-direct my focus on Him. and I say that He re-directed my focus because the truth is, I cant do it on my own. I can only keep my focus on God by the strength and boldness Christ gives me to take on each day. Once I was able to get back on my knees and speak to God, I saw His direction and guidance. The truth remains, I am an engineer, God has gifted me and created me that way. So was I going to fly where ever my degree could take me or wherever God would take me? Again I choose God. I left with El Paso in my heart and its still in my heart, but I have to let God decide for me. I choose to let Him lead me, emotionally, spiritually, physically and professionally to where I will honor and glorify Him more. 

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, it had been a while that I write in this blog. I've had this post in my heart for quite a while now, but I was waiting for the right moment to share it. This day could not be more perfect, the 4th of July, the biggest celebration of freedom in the USA. God has gifted me the freedom to go about the states, the joy to live in a nation celebrating freedom. Today I join  in those celebrations, but I have a greater celebration of freedom in my life and in my heart....

The freedom to choose Him.

A little taste of freedom and God's greatness.

For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay. 

-Habakkuk 2:3

A couple of days ago I received great news and a blessing from God. A dream completely come true and a much desired prayer answered. I cant help but to share this great news with those of you who have eagerly and faithfully stood by my side in encouraging me that this day would come. (To which I immediately send a text message to or made a phone call). But to those of you who had no idea, I hope this serves as a means to find hope in the longings of the heart, and those desires, goals and dreams that seem impossible to reach. 

If you have read my previous posts and if you recall one specifically titled "The Salvation To My Life's Worth Struggles", you will remember that I talked about loosing a paid internship and that if it wasn't for that I would have not found God the way that I did, because the given circumstances at the time pointed to Him being my only answer. The reason that I lost my internship, to which I did not explain in that specific post, is due the fact that my lawyer failed to submit my application for deferred action, or the dream act as most people know of it. As a result I did not receive a working permit, causing me to not have legal working status and lose my internship. 

Its been 18 years that I was brought across the border to have a better future. 18 years in which life was harder compared to the other kids and my friends at school. Some ask "why not go back to your country once you are old enough to do so?" The answer is always the same, "go back to what?". The saddest thing for people in my situation, is to be born in a country to which one feels so disconnected from. I love my culture and the country I was born at, yet I have learned to love all these things through photos and stories of others. As every country, Mexico has its good and its bad things, and for a long time I lived with the fear of having to return and not knowing what to expect or what would happen to me. But this post is not about thinking about all the bad things that happened to me as a result, but rather rejoice in the hardships and God's plan to be fulfilled at His perfect timing.

I have received so many blessings because of my parents' decision to bring me across the border in such a way. I was forced to work harder and be careful in my actions. Actions that others would take for granted because they didn't fear getting in trouble, and as a result possible deportation. I was also forced to excel in school, so that when the time came I could shine above others with legal status and convince the government I was worth keeping. I grew to be thankful and appreciative of the things I had, that others in my exact situation didn't, and even worse those who with legal status didn't even have a home to go to. 

Having grown up "living under the shadows" as many refer to, caused to me get a sense of maturity, I would probably not have achieved if things had been easy for me. When the time came to graduate high school, only God knows how we got through all the loops to get accepted and enrolled in college. I was blessed to have that opportunity, but with the hardships of college came more blessings. Because of my status I could not take advantage of getting school paid for, with either financial aid, grants, or scholarships, much less hold a legal job with enough money to pay at least half of tuition. Therefore, I had to come up with the money to pay for school on my own. I did this by helping out in my dad's business, asking countless friends if I could borrow money, babysitting, tutoring, and lots of fundraising; valentines day baskets, mothers day flowers, bracelets, knitted scarfs, phone charms to name a few, and the biggest Christmas money maker: Tamales! So what's the blessing behind this? Well I get to graduate not only with my bachelor's degree but also my master's degree, with no debt, no loans and a degree I can call completely mine. Isn't that a blessing?

However, that was not the only hardship, because of the fear of having to one day return to Mexico, I forced myself to get a degree that was "worth it". Worth the money and sacrifices we were making to pay for such degree and also one that would open doors to which ever place in the world I ended up in. As not having much of a choice of colleges, I decided to obtain one of the most important if not the most important degree that my university is known for. That's what took me to engineering and as a result of taking full advantage of the university I decided to major in the core of such, metallurgy; The University of Texas at El Paso (UTEP) originally known as the Texas College of Mines & Metallurgy (TCM). It might come as surprise to some that I struggled a lot to get my degree, because I dont consider myself to have naturally the mind of an engineer. Because of my circumstances, I trained my mind to think as an engineer, and pushed myself to be able to call myself what I am now... an Engineer. 

Obtaining my bachelor's degree was a huge accomplishment in my life, but God knew there was more that I could give, and more strength in me to keep going. He sent the right people in my life to encourage me to pursue a master's degree and cleared my finances by half as my friend Daniela offered to help with part of my tuition expenses. 3/4 into my masters degree, deferred action is approved and here I go applying hoping for the best. But I stumbled as my expectations were not met and I lost my internship. God knew best. Now as I am getting ready to graduate and two weeks away from defending my thesis and having my mind focused on only that, God surprises me with a case approval and an employment authorization card in the mail. 

I sit here now and look back at all those years of struggling, first with an unknown language, then with missed opportunities and finally with a broken heart of not seeing beyond the fear of deportation. Its been a long wait and a long time in which God was working in me and leading me to exactly were I am at. But I cant help but to feel so thankful for every struggle and every stone I faced. With this permit God has given me freedom. Freedom to reach my full potential and freedom to be the best he has created me to be. The biggest lesson that I get from this experience, is what Paul writes in Philippians, where he shares that he has found to be content regardless of his circumstances. I have learned to do that, to rejoice in the hardships, rather than to complain and let them discourage me. Most importantly I have learned to be strong in The Lord.

^"10 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. ¹¹ I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³ I can do all this through him who gives me strength." 

-Philippians 4:10-13 (NIV)

I may not know what happens from now on, and I still dont know where I am going to end up, but one thing I know for sure is that God knows best. He has planned every single one of our lives so carefully that our futures are so bright. He wants us to shine, but only when He knows we are ready. A lot of us tend to alter God's plans for us by the wrong decisions and choices we make, but He always finds the way to put us back on track. As crazy as it sounds, the best feeling that comes from giving my life to Christ is not knowing. Not knowing were I am going to end up, not knowing the details of  how my future will be and so much more things I dont know; but knowing that His timing is perfect, that He loves me enough to carefully plan my life, and that in trusting in Him, I know and hold His promises true. I hold on to His word, I hold on to His promises, I hold on to His truth and I let Him hold on to my life, to my heart and my soul. 

"All of my life, in every season, You are still God

I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship

I will bring praise, No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice, I will declare, God is my victory and He is here" 

(Desert Song by Hillsong United) 

Writing For Him

In this post I want to share a poem of praise and thankfulness that I wrote in a time of prayer with the Lord. As I recently went through what might have turned into a very hard situation and a mess, within those I love in Christ, God comforted me with His word. I wrote this from a combination of Psalm 73:26, Psalm 55:1-3; 22, Psalm 66:17-20 and 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. He took me by the hand, hugged me and lead me as to how to handle the situation. But above all God took my heart and guarded it with such care than not aven a scratch was placed on it. I praise Him for that and I wrote this for Him. 

To You My Heart I Trust

• As I walk on this earth and through this world, waiting on you Lord, waiting for the time that I may go home; my flesh and my heart might go through trials and at times fail. But it is in You my Lord, that I find strength, the strength to my heart. You are my portion forever!

• The noise of the enemy might cause me to moan at times and be restless in my complain, but you hear my prayer Lord, and you dont hide yourself from my plea of mercy. You attend to me my Lord and you answer me. For because of the oppression of the wicked, I may find trouble being placed upon me, but I cast my burden on my Lord and you sustain me. You protect me, you dont allow anything to move me from your love.

• I've cried to you my Lord and given you my highest praise and you have listened to my prayer and attended to my heart. You make me strong and hold my heart in place, in such a place so that when I call on you, you listen. Blessed be my Father whom has not removed his steadfast love from me!

• You are patient and you are kind, with your love nothing causes me to feel irritated or be resentful towards anyone. When the enemy tempts me, you help me turn from his wrongdoing and together in your love rejoice in the truth. In you I believe my Lord, in you I find hope, and with you I can bear and endure all things. My heart is yours. To you my heart I trust! <3

Loving Like God

As I have began this journey with Christ in my life, I have been learning so many things and I have to say one of the biggest and most important is LOVE. So there are some questions for this blog, to which I am going to attempt to answer by what I have learned from God. 

What is love? 

Well, as most of us begin when we have a question, I googled it! However, I want to in all honesty say that I did not seek nor find the answer to what love is in google, I googled it  to serve as mere comparison and for the purpose of this post. According to different google answers as I simply typed "love" this is what I got: 

Wikipedia: Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment. Love is also said to be a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection —"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another". Love may describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one's self or animals

Merriam-Webster: (1) strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties. (2) warm attachemnt, enthusiasm, or devotion. (3) the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration. (4) unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.

How Stuff Works: Love is a chemical state of mind that's part of our genes and influenced by our upbringing.

John Lennon's "Love" song: Love is real, real is love. Love is feeling, feeling love. Love is wanting to be loved . Love is touch, touch is love. Love is reaching, reaching love. Love is asking to be loved . Love is you, You and me. 

There you have it, these are some of the definitions of what love is. But as a christ follower I can tell you that I found the perfect definition of love and I found that in the bible. Therefore, we can see that the definitions of love found in google are not completely wrong, but that they are somewhat "earthly" definitions of love, to which some of them are correct after we know the true definition of love. The Bible tells us  in 1 John 4:8 that God is love. What better definition than that?! I say none. With God as love, we see that from there all the other definitions can come into play. 

What does it mean that God is love? 

Over and over the Bible teaches us about love and the importance of loving one another like Jesus loves us.  I think that God is love simply means that God is good, that you can expect the best from Him, that he will ALWAYS love you! A lot of people would say that it is hard to love and that not everyone can do it, but God can and he teaches us how. In  1 John 4:16 He tells us that all we need to do is abide in Him and to believe in His love.

"We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him." -1 John 4:16

Why is it so hard to love? 

I am not talking about loving your family, or your friends or your significant other, (which are the people we love regardless of what they do), I am talking about loving period. Loving everyone. Even those that dont "deserve" to be loved. I think the answer to this is the fact that staying away from your "enemies" or people you dislike is much easier, but you CAN and should show love towards them. God teaches us this in Luke 6:35, he tells us to love and do good, and that we will be rewarded for this. 

"But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the most high, for He is kind to the ungrateful and the evil" -Luke 6:35


Why must we love?

We must love because without love we have nothing. Why? Because God is love. Therefore God=Love, if we dont have love, we have nothing, if we dont have God, we have nothing. Redundant perhaps, yes I would agree, but I believe it is important for us to always remember this. We see clearly why we must love in 1 Corinthians 13:1-3. 




"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing." -1 Corinthians 13:1-3




Is love more than a feeling? 

The answer to this I think is yes. Love is not just a feeling, its an action and a way of living, living with God, living with love, because God is love. God teaches us this in 1 John 3:17-18, He tells us that it is not enough to just love as a feeling, He teaches us that our love should come with actions, actions of helping those in need.  

"But whoever has the world's good, and sees his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him? Little children, let u not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth." - 1 John 3:17-18

Why must we love everyone?; How de we love like God?

I agree with many people that there are human beings, whose actions and behaviors, make us feel that perhaps they deserve nothing, but we have to remember God's love and what He teaches us in His word. If we ask God to let us see those people like He does and love them like He does, it is possible to love them. That is loving like God. We are human beings, made of flesh to be in this earth, which is why we have such feelings come to mind towards others. However, if we think and love like God, we can see how this changes. We must remember that God gives us mercy and grace. Mercy is NOT giving you what you deserve, which is punishment, judgement, etc. Grace is giving you what you DONT deserve, which is love, compassion, forgiveness, etc. We must open our hearts to love EVERYONE and even more so those who we feel that dont deserve it, because it is them who need it most.

What is the biggest proof we have that God is Love?

If you look at 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 we see everything that love is, and everything described in these verses is also what God is. There is no one who can be this, except for Jesus, the most Holy of all! Our Lord and Savior. See this by simply substituting God instead of love, and you will see that it is the same. Why? Because God is Love. 

GOD is patient
GOD is kind
GOD does not envy or boasts or is proud
GOD is not rude, nor self seeking
GOD is not easily angered nor keeps records of wrongs
GOD does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth
GOD always protects
GOD always trusts, hopes and always perseveres
GOD NEVER FAILS! 



So will you love? Will you allow God to be love in your life? Will you allow him to teach you to love like he does? Will you look beyond race, gender and sin, to just love?  I invite you to just love; to love like God. I challenge you to be the nicest person to the grumpiest person and to the most rude person, why? Because that is LOVE JESUS STYLE! :) <3


"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
-1 Corinthians 13:1-13

When it's ok not to feel sorry...

You know those situations in which you say or do something to someone that either aggravates or hurts them, and as being good human beings we ask for an apology? I am sure we have all come across  this and how difficult it is to say you're sorry. But what would you say, if I told you that for the first time in my life, I have found something not to be sorry for? The amazing thing is that it is not a bad thing, and that I am not being heartless of hurting someone by doing so. Here is why...

As I keep growing and strengthening my relationship with God, I find myself also falling in love with Him more and more. I have found to see every thing through the eyes of God and see His works in everything I do and come across. As I keep learning His word and filling my heart with scriptures from the bible, I am able to see it written everywhere, even when people dont realize it. Bottom line, I am now able to see the wonders and creations of our Lord EVERYWHERE! And of course He is everywhere, He created every single thing in this world :)

See, my relationship with God is kind of like when you fall in love with someone for the first time. You always want to be with that person, you're constantly thinking about that person, wondering and imagine all the things you will do together. But whats the ONE thing you do that shows you are doing all of the above? YOU TALK ABOUT IT. You tell your friends and family how that person makes you feel, and it seems like all you want to do, is talk about him or her to someone. My relationship with God is exactly like that, but the "kinda" I mentioned is because the one thing I am sure of in my relationship with Him, that we do not have with a human being, is that His love for me is everlasting. His love for me will always be there, and I have opened my heart so that  my love for Him will ALWAYS be there too. 

The more I know Him and the more I fall in love with Him, the more amazing things happen in my life. I have experienced and witnessed things that I would have never imagined. His love and mercy is everywhere. Listening to tonight's Wednesday communion service at my church, the words of my Pastor made a huge impact, as I am able to say that I feel so blessed to be able to not only know about God, but to know God. There is nothing greater than his love and nothing will ever make me feel what I feel when I am in His presence. Nothing will ever fill my heart with Joy like the love of God. I will never stop loving Him and will not let anything come between my love for Him.


"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39


So just like when that first love comes along in our lives, I cant help myself but to talk about Him and the amazing things He has done and is doing in my life. I want everyone to know of His greatness and that is in great part because I want all my brothers and sisters to experience the same. I want to be able to share that feeling with everyone. Therefore I take any opportunity to talk about Him and praise Him. But as I have done this, some have become aggravated and just plain feel "ugh" when I talk about God and His greatness. In one of the cases, I was about to tell that person "I am sorry for aggravating you by what I said"... But then I said to myself, wait a minute, you are what?!?!? Yes, I hate to see someone aggravated and unhappy, and I am sorry this person was feeling like that, but its a very different story if I say I am sorry it was because of what I said.

I was talking about Jesus Christ, the One who died for me and God who has never stopped loving me, even when I turned my back on Him because I thought I had it all together. I was sharing my love for Christ and the greatness of our Lord, that even when we dont realize it EVERYTHING points to Him. If I would have said I was sorry for what I said, I would have been saying I was sorry for talking about Jesus, I was sorry I was speaking of His greatness, of His love and his mercy. And am I sorry for that???  The answer is a big fat NO! 

I will not feel sorry for praising Him and trying to bring the goodness of the Lord to my brothers and sisters, whether they are believers or not. I cannot allow myself to not take every opportunity to talk about Him. Its my commitment and love for Him that makes me stand strong and put Him above anything and anyone.

 For this I will never be sorry. 


" I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20

The Salvation To My Life's Worth Struggles

In my recent post I  have shared with you my discovery and growth in Christ and how the new me is feeling and thinking. I have also shared how because of the path that I am walking on, has changed so many aspects of  my life. I knew from day one that I had a lot to learn and grow but never had imagined how amazed I would feel by truly knowing God. As I become closer and closer to Him each day, not one day does he cease to amaze me.

For those of you that know me personally and know my life, know about all the struggles that I have been faced with and and the endless times that I have had "the right" to give up and complain. Yes I have complained, but never have I given up to find solutions and never have I stopped trying. Through the 25 years of my  life and all the things I have tried, I have finally found the ONE thing that solves it all, no matter how big or small or twisted or scary or insignificant something may seem... Prayer is the answer. Prayer is the answer and as I have titled this post "The Salvation to My Life's Worth Struggles".

As I become hungrier and hungrier for God and his greatness, I keep involving myself in everything that I can to praise and serve him. I have involved my self with Prayer Ministry through my church and I cannot begin to describe how great the feeling is of  knowing that God has called me to serve him in this area. A lot of the times we hear people talking about how God calls us to do certain things and how he has a purpose for our lives, and I can stand up today and say that this is very true! 

In order for me to be involved and serve through this ministry, I have had to prepare my self and really understand and connect with the idea of praying and what it is all about. It has been a little less than a month, in which I have read books, scriptures and basically prepare myself for God's calling to serve Him through prayer. In this time of my preparation and growth, I have become to understand that Prayer is your relationship with God and the only means we have to comunicate and hear Him. For many years I "prayed" and saw it as a means of having my needs be heard and answered. But prayer is much more than that. Prayer is the time we dedicate to God and the time that he dedicates to us. It is the time that we chose to give to Him and become into a deep personal relationship with Christ and the time that God will look into ourselves and give us our hearts desires.  

"If you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you" 

-John 15:7

Prayer is not primarily about what we can get out of God, but what He purposed to do in and through us. A lot of people, my self included, think that we dont know how to pray or even wonder if there is a way to pray. Had that ever crossed your mind? And see, the one thing that I have learned and gained from this experience is that you will only get good in prayer by praying, your relationship with God will only grow if you spend time with Him and getting to know each other, (Just as you would do with a significant other). I have learned that prayer time consist of not just asking God what you need but also in praising and worshiping him and mediate into what he wants us to know. You are praying when you are worshiping, when you are reading scripture, when you are in silence mediation and when you are talking to him. I hope that by this you see how praying is not asking to for things but it is being with God and spending time with Him. My purpose in this post is not to teach you how to pray but merely share with you my experience and witness to the great things God does by prayer. 

Its been a short 2 weeks that I have truly involved myself in prayer (same time I have been in preparation) and the rewards have been endless. I have seen prayers already been answered and have begun to understand that God does have a purpose for me. All I have ever needed to do to "fix" my problems has been to open my heart to God and to seek Him with all my heart. To truly trust Him and allow Him to take control of my life. In these same 2 weeks I have experienced a lot of situations that "should" have lead me to feel disappointed, frustrated and sad, and they have I am not gonna lie, but I have not allowed them to consume me because as my relationship with God grows, so do my eyes open to see the purpose behing each situation. 

In the beginning of these 3 weeks that I started my preparation, I lost a paid internship I had just been in for 4 days, to which I quit  my recent job to fulfill. With this came some decisions and changes in my life. I moved back into my parents house, something I never thought I would do, and with the reasons behind loosing my job came a lot of "test" in my faith and my patience. As I grew in prayer I began to see the purpose and reason behind all these events, or rather through God I was able to see the good in the bad. I prayed to God, that he would help me understand why things where happening and that if things were meant to be they would work themselves out and that he would lead me in the right direction to finding answers. To my surprise, God did exactly this! Not that I was praying without believing, but one thing is to believe God will answer your prayers and another is to see them answered!

Here's what I know for sure now: If it wasn't because I was now jobless, I would have never returned to my parents home. By having a job, I had money and I could take care of myself. Well I lost all of that with the internship. I always thought moving back home would be a sign of defeat and a sign across my forehead saying "I couldn't make it, so I moved back home". As you can see, there is pride in that and I for sure had pride that didn't allow me to come back home. By loosing my internship I was forced to let go of my pride and not see my parents help as defeat but as love and an opportunity to not be left with nothing. How many people who loose their jobs, loose also as a result, their homes and even their families. I am blessed to know that I had something to fall on and that God provided. As I was "forced" to move back home, I am being able to restore my relationship with my brother and sister and become part of their daily lives. As I am back home I have seen how great help I have become for my parents and I couldn't be happier to know how better they are know just by knowing I am there. I also realized that as we are all getting older, one day I will be married and move and my brother and sister will move away to college and make their own lives. By being jobless, I am able to have a shot at enjoying my family in the short time we have left in living together under the same roof. 

Another great thing I witness is how God will always provide to those who trust in him and love him. As I was out of means to have money, my parents started giving me an allowance and paying with a lot of sacrifice for my last semester of school. (Again, "allowance?! At age 25?!", my pride was gone and I received it as a blessing.) From my own money, that I still had from y previous job, I only had $5 and some change in my bank account. In my paid internship I did 3 days of training and only one full day of work, so I was sure that I couldn't expect to be paid for that. I was wrong. It hadn't even crossed my mind, so here I go checking my account to see what that change with my $5 was and to my own surprise I had over $400 dollars (yes it was a very good paid internship). God had provided.

Needless to say, as I was out of a job and school hadn't yet started, I had free time. Time that I used to prepare myself for prayer and as I have defined prayer, time in which I grew my relationship with God. As I had free time and no where to be I would always be home studying my prayer book and listening to worship music. I spent so much time at the dinner table with my book and notes that my mom asked what I was doing and when I said I was learning how to pray, to my surprise she said "When you're done, can you teach me?" ABSOLUTELY!  God was answering my prayer of my mom wanting to be closer to Him. One of the nights at home my sister joined me in my daily bible reading and my dad walked in to see what all the fuss was about as we held discussion. He then to my surprise started explaining some things to my sister in the Bible. I was amazed. I know God lives within my dad but I had no idea to what degree. God was answering my prayer that we could connect with my dad and that he would allow God to lead him to be a good father. I have been playing so  much worship music in my home that my brother and sister have become to sing along without realizing it. As a result of me being home and trying to encourage my siblings to go to church, my sister has started going with me and has recently started a grow group. Prayer answered! 

I couldn't be happier with this internship not working out, now that I see the great things that happened because of it. Through prayer, not only have I strengthen my relationship with God but I have served as a connection between him and my family. As I was praying about the loss of my internship and what to do about everything that came with it, in my prayer I said to God to place me where he needed me and where he had a purpose for me. He has done exactly that and I couldn't be happier. As I finished my book on learning how to pray and feeling somewhat ready to take on this responsibility (because you never really stop growing), people without knowing that I am in prayer ministry have began to ask for prayer requests. I am amazed by that.

As I am working on my last semester before completing my masters the questions arise of what will I do next, where will I work, and what are my plans. I still dont know these details but one thing I do know. I know that God has a purpose for me and that he has called me to serve him. He has asked me to serve as a bridge for those in need of his love and mercy. He has asked me to be an intercessor for my family, my friends, my church, my city, my nation and my world through prayer. I may not know the details of my life and my future but I do know that it is going to be a great one because Jesus is living through me. 

With that said, never in my life would I've imagined that I could in all honesty say.... "I am glad that I became jobless" God lead me to his purpose, but that is only because I searched him with all my heart, and he allowed me to find him. I made my relationship with Him stronger through prayer and service. 

"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:12-13

God as the light of our lives and our hearts.

This past Sunday (01/06-/13) I did my good deed of the day by helping an elderly person put away the Christmas decorations in her home. You might be asking yourselves "Whats the big deal behind that for you to write a post from it?" Well, not only did I helped her, I also kept her company that afternoon, and as I was driving away something hit me and brought me back to the Christmas Candlelight Service message at Del Sol on Christmas eve. The message was about seeing the light and allowing God to be the light in your world. As much sense as I got from the message that night and applied it to my own life, it didn't truly sink in until that afternoon at this lady's home.

I want to begin by telling you the living conditions this lady is under and a little story behind her. She is a divorced elder lady, a first grade teacher, one of the sweetest ones I have met and she lives in Santa Teresa, New Mexico. But the location of her home is what threw me off, she literally lives in the middle of the desert. As you are driving on Boderland road in Canutillo, the road changes from El Paso to New Mexico. At the end of the road you either have the option to go left or right, OR you can go thru a gate that leads to the desert. I mean, if you have no idea that desert road is there you would never imagine people have homes there! So here I am getting lost with no street names/signs and only following tire tracks on the dirt. I get to her home and theres is not much surrounding it but her own fence and couple trees she planted. She owns three dogs and a cat and the inside of her house is filled with treasures! She has so many vintage things that when you walk in you can just imagine the stories behind her possessions.

So I began to help her put away the decorations and it took us four hours. Her home was the most christmas interior decorated home I have ever seen. She had decorations not only in her living room and dinning room, but also her bedroom, office, kitchen and restroom. What blew my mind was the fact that she owns couple of wall decorations that have, I guess you can call it 3D houses and of course they were christmas decorated. So here I go taking the whole thing off the wall to store away and she stops me saying "oh dont take the house down, only the decorations", then she reaches over and shows me how she had placed christmas trees and wreaths on it herself. HOW CUTE! :) But what was even more amazing was her christmas tree and the ornaments. I have to say that is the most traditional tree I have ever seen as well. The ornaments on her tree were all either presents from over the years or hand made by herself or by people for her including her children. As we put away each ornament in their special designated boxes, she told me the story behind most of them. The oldest ornament dated back to 1920's and it belonged to her grandmother. All of them if not most of them contained written "The Cone's" her ex-husbands last name. I noticed that the ones with that specific writing on them meant the most to her and you could almost see thru her eyes the memories they brought back.

Let me move on to telling you that she has three children (grown up now of course) of which only one lives still in El Paso. Two times within the past two weeks she has been taken to the ER because she wasn't feeling well. According to doctors there is nothing physically wrong with her but they believe she might be going thru a depression. Therefore, as she asked for my help I didn't hesitate to jump and help her. I remembered the message that christmas eve at church saying how it is very hard for some to see the light specially during the christmas season. For some of us it is great, filled with joy and light but others are lonely and christmas turns out to be the worst time of the year.

But regardless of how this lady lives, where she lives or what happens in her life, I could tell she has a great light in her that keeps her happy and at peace even thru her depression. As we finished putting everything away from the inside, we moved to the outdoor lights and man where they lovely. You could tell the time and love she put into her decorations and I could just imagine how beautiful it must have looked all christmas season as her lights were shinning in such a dark and deserted place. We took everything off except white lights in a tree, which she said she kept up all year long for when her friends came over, so they could find her home by seeing the light. AND THATS WHEN IT HIT ME!

In the middle of the desert, in a very dark place at night there is a welcoming light, her home. But its not only enough to see her home and get to it; the amazing things and happiness happen inside her home once you step in. This is just like God Himself and as the message that christmas eve said. Everyone saw the light but only did the wise men decided to go to it. God is the light in our life, but it is not enough to only see Him and know He is there. We must invite Him in and let Him work wonders within ourselves; knowing He is there is only the beginning, we must experience his presence but we can't do that thru the outside, we must walk to Him and go inside. In some cases, like finding this lady's home, there is no clear path way to God, and in many cases the road looks scary and maybe you might have never realized it was there to begin with unless someone told you. Some of us have gone thru pretty rough and confusing roads to get to Him, but if we keep seeking we will eventually find Him. I know I did! :)

As we finished putting away the boxes that contained her decorations into the shed she said "I couldn't have done this without you, every year I put everything up and away on my own but I couldn't have do that without you this year. Thank you! I hope that next year I can have a man by my side that will help me put up the decorations with a smile and take them down the same way. But if not, could I still call you?" To that I replied "Most definitely!"

The time came for me to leave and  night time was pretty much there, the place became dark, but as I drove off, thru my rear view mirror I saw her light. The tree outside her home was so shiny and so inviting, it brought a couple of tears to my eyes. I pray that God will keep being that light in her life and in her heart and may she find the company she desires during the christmas time. And if not, I pray that God allows me to keep her that company whenever she might need it. I pray that God will be the light of our lives and our hearts and that with His light I can keep seeing and walking along the path He has created for me. I pray that I make Him proud in what He has planned in my life and that the light He brings to my heart and my life never turns off and only becomes greater and shinier as I grow closer in my faith each day and as my life and heart keep growing in His love. I pray that he allows me to see the light even in the darkest places and that he allows me to bring joy to those that need it most, even if it is with my simple company and putting away a person's most important treasures.  


From my notes on the Candlelight Service: 

"God is light! When you push God to the side you live in darkness. There are a lot if things that can darken your world, but with Christ in your heart you can pull thru. God knows about your darkness and no matter what you do, He can never love you less... Let God become the light in your world! No matter what happens within your heart, Jesus Christ can heal it. Only God can heal a broken heart, when you feel hopeless, He can heal a broken dream. But we take the light for granted because we expect the sun to physically come up every morning, as well as the moon e very night. God's answer to your prayers is instant, all you need to do is BELIEVE & receive Christ in your heart. Its time to open the present and receive it all, that God has chosen to LOVE YOU!" (12/24/12)


"Before anything else existed, there was Christ, with God. He has always been alive and is Himself God. He created everything. Eternal life is in Him and this life gives LIGHT to all mankind. HIS LIFE IS THE LIGHT THAT SHINES THROUGH THE DARKNESS - and the darkness can never extinguish it."  - John 1:1-15 (LB)