The Salvation To My Life's Worth Struggles

In my recent post I  have shared with you my discovery and growth in Christ and how the new me is feeling and thinking. I have also shared how because of the path that I am walking on, has changed so many aspects of  my life. I knew from day one that I had a lot to learn and grow but never had imagined how amazed I would feel by truly knowing God. As I become closer and closer to Him each day, not one day does he cease to amaze me.

For those of you that know me personally and know my life, know about all the struggles that I have been faced with and and the endless times that I have had "the right" to give up and complain. Yes I have complained, but never have I given up to find solutions and never have I stopped trying. Through the 25 years of my  life and all the things I have tried, I have finally found the ONE thing that solves it all, no matter how big or small or twisted or scary or insignificant something may seem... Prayer is the answer. Prayer is the answer and as I have titled this post "The Salvation to My Life's Worth Struggles".

As I become hungrier and hungrier for God and his greatness, I keep involving myself in everything that I can to praise and serve him. I have involved my self with Prayer Ministry through my church and I cannot begin to describe how great the feeling is of  knowing that God has called me to serve him in this area. A lot of the times we hear people talking about how God calls us to do certain things and how he has a purpose for our lives, and I can stand up today and say that this is very true! 

In order for me to be involved and serve through this ministry, I have had to prepare my self and really understand and connect with the idea of praying and what it is all about. It has been a little less than a month, in which I have read books, scriptures and basically prepare myself for God's calling to serve Him through prayer. In this time of my preparation and growth, I have become to understand that Prayer is your relationship with God and the only means we have to comunicate and hear Him. For many years I "prayed" and saw it as a means of having my needs be heard and answered. But prayer is much more than that. Prayer is the time we dedicate to God and the time that he dedicates to us. It is the time that we chose to give to Him and become into a deep personal relationship with Christ and the time that God will look into ourselves and give us our hearts desires.  

"If you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you" 

-John 15:7

Prayer is not primarily about what we can get out of God, but what He purposed to do in and through us. A lot of people, my self included, think that we dont know how to pray or even wonder if there is a way to pray. Had that ever crossed your mind? And see, the one thing that I have learned and gained from this experience is that you will only get good in prayer by praying, your relationship with God will only grow if you spend time with Him and getting to know each other, (Just as you would do with a significant other). I have learned that prayer time consist of not just asking God what you need but also in praising and worshiping him and mediate into what he wants us to know. You are praying when you are worshiping, when you are reading scripture, when you are in silence mediation and when you are talking to him. I hope that by this you see how praying is not asking to for things but it is being with God and spending time with Him. My purpose in this post is not to teach you how to pray but merely share with you my experience and witness to the great things God does by prayer. 

Its been a short 2 weeks that I have truly involved myself in prayer (same time I have been in preparation) and the rewards have been endless. I have seen prayers already been answered and have begun to understand that God does have a purpose for me. All I have ever needed to do to "fix" my problems has been to open my heart to God and to seek Him with all my heart. To truly trust Him and allow Him to take control of my life. In these same 2 weeks I have experienced a lot of situations that "should" have lead me to feel disappointed, frustrated and sad, and they have I am not gonna lie, but I have not allowed them to consume me because as my relationship with God grows, so do my eyes open to see the purpose behing each situation. 

In the beginning of these 3 weeks that I started my preparation, I lost a paid internship I had just been in for 4 days, to which I quit  my recent job to fulfill. With this came some decisions and changes in my life. I moved back into my parents house, something I never thought I would do, and with the reasons behind loosing my job came a lot of "test" in my faith and my patience. As I grew in prayer I began to see the purpose and reason behind all these events, or rather through God I was able to see the good in the bad. I prayed to God, that he would help me understand why things where happening and that if things were meant to be they would work themselves out and that he would lead me in the right direction to finding answers. To my surprise, God did exactly this! Not that I was praying without believing, but one thing is to believe God will answer your prayers and another is to see them answered!

Here's what I know for sure now: If it wasn't because I was now jobless, I would have never returned to my parents home. By having a job, I had money and I could take care of myself. Well I lost all of that with the internship. I always thought moving back home would be a sign of defeat and a sign across my forehead saying "I couldn't make it, so I moved back home". As you can see, there is pride in that and I for sure had pride that didn't allow me to come back home. By loosing my internship I was forced to let go of my pride and not see my parents help as defeat but as love and an opportunity to not be left with nothing. How many people who loose their jobs, loose also as a result, their homes and even their families. I am blessed to know that I had something to fall on and that God provided. As I was "forced" to move back home, I am being able to restore my relationship with my brother and sister and become part of their daily lives. As I am back home I have seen how great help I have become for my parents and I couldn't be happier to know how better they are know just by knowing I am there. I also realized that as we are all getting older, one day I will be married and move and my brother and sister will move away to college and make their own lives. By being jobless, I am able to have a shot at enjoying my family in the short time we have left in living together under the same roof. 

Another great thing I witness is how God will always provide to those who trust in him and love him. As I was out of means to have money, my parents started giving me an allowance and paying with a lot of sacrifice for my last semester of school. (Again, "allowance?! At age 25?!", my pride was gone and I received it as a blessing.) From my own money, that I still had from y previous job, I only had $5 and some change in my bank account. In my paid internship I did 3 days of training and only one full day of work, so I was sure that I couldn't expect to be paid for that. I was wrong. It hadn't even crossed my mind, so here I go checking my account to see what that change with my $5 was and to my own surprise I had over $400 dollars (yes it was a very good paid internship). God had provided.

Needless to say, as I was out of a job and school hadn't yet started, I had free time. Time that I used to prepare myself for prayer and as I have defined prayer, time in which I grew my relationship with God. As I had free time and no where to be I would always be home studying my prayer book and listening to worship music. I spent so much time at the dinner table with my book and notes that my mom asked what I was doing and when I said I was learning how to pray, to my surprise she said "When you're done, can you teach me?" ABSOLUTELY!  God was answering my prayer of my mom wanting to be closer to Him. One of the nights at home my sister joined me in my daily bible reading and my dad walked in to see what all the fuss was about as we held discussion. He then to my surprise started explaining some things to my sister in the Bible. I was amazed. I know God lives within my dad but I had no idea to what degree. God was answering my prayer that we could connect with my dad and that he would allow God to lead him to be a good father. I have been playing so  much worship music in my home that my brother and sister have become to sing along without realizing it. As a result of me being home and trying to encourage my siblings to go to church, my sister has started going with me and has recently started a grow group. Prayer answered! 

I couldn't be happier with this internship not working out, now that I see the great things that happened because of it. Through prayer, not only have I strengthen my relationship with God but I have served as a connection between him and my family. As I was praying about the loss of my internship and what to do about everything that came with it, in my prayer I said to God to place me where he needed me and where he had a purpose for me. He has done exactly that and I couldn't be happier. As I finished my book on learning how to pray and feeling somewhat ready to take on this responsibility (because you never really stop growing), people without knowing that I am in prayer ministry have began to ask for prayer requests. I am amazed by that.

As I am working on my last semester before completing my masters the questions arise of what will I do next, where will I work, and what are my plans. I still dont know these details but one thing I do know. I know that God has a purpose for me and that he has called me to serve him. He has asked me to serve as a bridge for those in need of his love and mercy. He has asked me to be an intercessor for my family, my friends, my church, my city, my nation and my world through prayer. I may not know the details of my life and my future but I do know that it is going to be a great one because Jesus is living through me. 

With that said, never in my life would I've imagined that I could in all honesty say.... "I am glad that I became jobless" God lead me to his purpose, but that is only because I searched him with all my heart, and he allowed me to find him. I made my relationship with Him stronger through prayer and service. 

"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:12-13

God as the light of our lives and our hearts.

This past Sunday (01/06-/13) I did my good deed of the day by helping an elderly person put away the Christmas decorations in her home. You might be asking yourselves "Whats the big deal behind that for you to write a post from it?" Well, not only did I helped her, I also kept her company that afternoon, and as I was driving away something hit me and brought me back to the Christmas Candlelight Service message at Del Sol on Christmas eve. The message was about seeing the light and allowing God to be the light in your world. As much sense as I got from the message that night and applied it to my own life, it didn't truly sink in until that afternoon at this lady's home.

I want to begin by telling you the living conditions this lady is under and a little story behind her. She is a divorced elder lady, a first grade teacher, one of the sweetest ones I have met and she lives in Santa Teresa, New Mexico. But the location of her home is what threw me off, she literally lives in the middle of the desert. As you are driving on Boderland road in Canutillo, the road changes from El Paso to New Mexico. At the end of the road you either have the option to go left or right, OR you can go thru a gate that leads to the desert. I mean, if you have no idea that desert road is there you would never imagine people have homes there! So here I am getting lost with no street names/signs and only following tire tracks on the dirt. I get to her home and theres is not much surrounding it but her own fence and couple trees she planted. She owns three dogs and a cat and the inside of her house is filled with treasures! She has so many vintage things that when you walk in you can just imagine the stories behind her possessions.

So I began to help her put away the decorations and it took us four hours. Her home was the most christmas interior decorated home I have ever seen. She had decorations not only in her living room and dinning room, but also her bedroom, office, kitchen and restroom. What blew my mind was the fact that she owns couple of wall decorations that have, I guess you can call it 3D houses and of course they were christmas decorated. So here I go taking the whole thing off the wall to store away and she stops me saying "oh dont take the house down, only the decorations", then she reaches over and shows me how she had placed christmas trees and wreaths on it herself. HOW CUTE! :) But what was even more amazing was her christmas tree and the ornaments. I have to say that is the most traditional tree I have ever seen as well. The ornaments on her tree were all either presents from over the years or hand made by herself or by people for her including her children. As we put away each ornament in their special designated boxes, she told me the story behind most of them. The oldest ornament dated back to 1920's and it belonged to her grandmother. All of them if not most of them contained written "The Cone's" her ex-husbands last name. I noticed that the ones with that specific writing on them meant the most to her and you could almost see thru her eyes the memories they brought back.

Let me move on to telling you that she has three children (grown up now of course) of which only one lives still in El Paso. Two times within the past two weeks she has been taken to the ER because she wasn't feeling well. According to doctors there is nothing physically wrong with her but they believe she might be going thru a depression. Therefore, as she asked for my help I didn't hesitate to jump and help her. I remembered the message that christmas eve at church saying how it is very hard for some to see the light specially during the christmas season. For some of us it is great, filled with joy and light but others are lonely and christmas turns out to be the worst time of the year.

But regardless of how this lady lives, where she lives or what happens in her life, I could tell she has a great light in her that keeps her happy and at peace even thru her depression. As we finished putting everything away from the inside, we moved to the outdoor lights and man where they lovely. You could tell the time and love she put into her decorations and I could just imagine how beautiful it must have looked all christmas season as her lights were shinning in such a dark and deserted place. We took everything off except white lights in a tree, which she said she kept up all year long for when her friends came over, so they could find her home by seeing the light. AND THATS WHEN IT HIT ME!

In the middle of the desert, in a very dark place at night there is a welcoming light, her home. But its not only enough to see her home and get to it; the amazing things and happiness happen inside her home once you step in. This is just like God Himself and as the message that christmas eve said. Everyone saw the light but only did the wise men decided to go to it. God is the light in our life, but it is not enough to only see Him and know He is there. We must invite Him in and let Him work wonders within ourselves; knowing He is there is only the beginning, we must experience his presence but we can't do that thru the outside, we must walk to Him and go inside. In some cases, like finding this lady's home, there is no clear path way to God, and in many cases the road looks scary and maybe you might have never realized it was there to begin with unless someone told you. Some of us have gone thru pretty rough and confusing roads to get to Him, but if we keep seeking we will eventually find Him. I know I did! :)

As we finished putting away the boxes that contained her decorations into the shed she said "I couldn't have done this without you, every year I put everything up and away on my own but I couldn't have do that without you this year. Thank you! I hope that next year I can have a man by my side that will help me put up the decorations with a smile and take them down the same way. But if not, could I still call you?" To that I replied "Most definitely!"

The time came for me to leave and  night time was pretty much there, the place became dark, but as I drove off, thru my rear view mirror I saw her light. The tree outside her home was so shiny and so inviting, it brought a couple of tears to my eyes. I pray that God will keep being that light in her life and in her heart and may she find the company she desires during the christmas time. And if not, I pray that God allows me to keep her that company whenever she might need it. I pray that God will be the light of our lives and our hearts and that with His light I can keep seeing and walking along the path He has created for me. I pray that I make Him proud in what He has planned in my life and that the light He brings to my heart and my life never turns off and only becomes greater and shinier as I grow closer in my faith each day and as my life and heart keep growing in His love. I pray that he allows me to see the light even in the darkest places and that he allows me to bring joy to those that need it most, even if it is with my simple company and putting away a person's most important treasures.  


From my notes on the Candlelight Service: 

"God is light! When you push God to the side you live in darkness. There are a lot if things that can darken your world, but with Christ in your heart you can pull thru. God knows about your darkness and no matter what you do, He can never love you less... Let God become the light in your world! No matter what happens within your heart, Jesus Christ can heal it. Only God can heal a broken heart, when you feel hopeless, He can heal a broken dream. But we take the light for granted because we expect the sun to physically come up every morning, as well as the moon e very night. God's answer to your prayers is instant, all you need to do is BELIEVE & receive Christ in your heart. Its time to open the present and receive it all, that God has chosen to LOVE YOU!" (12/24/12)


"Before anything else existed, there was Christ, with God. He has always been alive and is Himself God. He created everything. Eternal life is in Him and this life gives LIGHT to all mankind. HIS LIFE IS THE LIGHT THAT SHINES THROUGH THE DARKNESS - and the darkness can never extinguish it."  - John 1:1-15 (LB)

Just because you've been hurt, doesn't mean you should stop trying.

As Christmas ended and everything becomes 50% off at the stores, because room needs to be made for hearts, I start being aware that here it comes... singles awareness day 2013. (Valentine's day for those of you in love) And even though the day of, I am never depressed as I celebrate the love I have for  my friends and family, as well as for myself;  something about advertising and marketing makes it overwhelming. So here I am thinking about love and yes here it goes, a post about "my love life".  

I am 25 years old, single, never married, no kids and soon to be able to call myself an engineer as I graduate form my masters degree. I'll describe myself as I have heard others describe me, funny, energetic, happy, friendly, loyal, kind, caring, cute, sincere… The hardest thing for me when it comes to dating is getting comments like  "with so many guys in your field of study, you're single?!" or "you're an amazing girl, I can't believe you don't have tons of guys lined up behind you", "you're a great catch, any guy would be lucky to have you" sigh….  This particular story is about my "love" life OH GOD right?! Its a vicious circle I'd say, like when they say that love hides in every corner, well heck, I might just be walking in circles! 

So it all began at the short age of 17, (well actually I was 14 when I first "fell in love" but that really doesn't count as a relationship) I had a 6 year long relationship that transitioned from high school to most of my bachelors degree, yes I know… what the heck six years and so young?! But it is what it is. It was one of those relationships in which we did everything together. We grew to be just so accustomed to each other that the idea of being with someone else never even crossed our mind (well my mind). Slowly without noticing we grew, apart until we stretched the band so much that it popped. I began my journey to becoming an engineer while he was following his dream of being a musician. I decided along the way that I was no one to tell him to drop that dream and do something realistic, since I myself was fulfilling a career to prove many people wrong. 

But of course coming from a mexican culture, there is a growing macho in every male ever born. He was always doubting that the guys I "hanged" around with were just my friends (which of course hanging out was actually more like enslaving ourselves to the library with no life and goals but to ace our exams and cram all sorts of mathematical and science geekness in our brains), but without a college education himself would he ever understand? On my side, I always doubted the girls he hired as singers. I never in all honesty doubted him, as I always told him that I trusted him but it was them whom I didn't and his niceness and kindness only made girls like him more. You know like those gestures that can get misinterpreted? But in his translation of what I was saying was a jealous girlfriend who spent her days "hanging out" with guys and had no right to say anything. Well long story short, one of them liked him so much that took advantage of him. He cheated. I am sure the only reason he told me was because she ended up getting her pregnant. So that was that as you can imagine. She was a divorced, some years older than him with two kids from a previous marriage. 

For several months after that I went back and forth with him, trying to convince myself that the love of my life was worth fighting for..... what an idea I know! It was just so hard to get over him, you can't just erase 6 years like that, specially if he cheated! BUT you can if you have the friends God blessed me with :) It took about 2 years for me to be ok or even consider dating again. In which years I "hated" men and I myself claimed to have turned into one, as I had no feelings and didn't care about anything. I literally placed a shield on my heart and for that ime being I was convinced that I would never find anyone and was destined to live without love.

As I got over it, I decided to try something new and something that had worked for my roommate at the time. I signed up for online dating. I dont want to say that it didn't work because I did meet people and had great dates, however in the long run relationships didn't go in the direction I wanted them to. In this time, I decided to give things a chance by dating different people and dropping the stereotypes. I dated the guy with the long  beard, the not so great looking guy with enough money to take me on flying dates, the guy who was only looking for a good time, the military guy and the guy who tried to make things work but a child and an ex-wife got in the way. 

You would think that after that I would be back on my heart shield and man hating mode, but to my own surprise I was not. The last person I dated thought me great things and as I "gave up" on online dating, I started analyzing everything that had happened. I realized shortly what I wanted in a man and what was really most important to me in a relationship. But most importantly, I learned to love myself and to open my heart to the possibility of loving again and finding the man I want to grow old with. 

Now as I am closer to God than I have ever been, and having experienced so many things, I know God has someone for me and I must learn to be patient and trust in his timing. I have opened my heart to the possibility of loving and have learned to ask in prayer for what I wish for and what my heart desires. I dont want to just date or have a good time, because at the end of the day that leaves me empty. I long for a serious relationship and by serious I  mean one that leads to marriage. I have so much love to give and truly desire forming a family. I am now looking for a man of God, a man who loves and knows God and is not afraid or ashamed to say it. 

In my previous blog (The New & Improved Flor) I talked about how I know I cant ask for something I am not, but I have changed that. I am growing more and more each day in faith and in my relationship with Christ. I have began opening my heart to love by opening my heart to Him first and trusting that things will happen when they are meant to happen. But form time to time I still find myself asking: "Dear future husband, where are you and whats taking you so long?" 

The New & Improved Flor :)

In this post I want to talk about the new me, and by new I mean my life after fully receiving Christ in my life. I have had a major change in my life since then. 

          It all began by my friend Laura inviting me to church one day. I have known Laura for a while and if there is few people that know the roller coaster I have been in in the area of love, she is one of them. I was talking to her one day telling her how tired I was of everything that comes with dating; the stereotypes, the expectations, the standards, broken hearts, complicated situations, but above all not being able to find the right man for my life. At that point that I was talking to her, I knew what I wanted in my significant other. I had been thru enough to know what really filled my heart and how I saw myself with a future spouse. The biggest standard I set for my significant other is that he must be a man of God. I mentioned how I wanted someone respectful and someone whom I could be myself and I wanted a man with a good heart. For me the definition of a good heart was a man that loved God and went to church, that had values, morals and standards. That's when Laura stopped me for a second and "rained on my parade" THANK GOD SHE DID! This is what makes her a great friend and a blessing in my life.

          Laura said to me that in order for me to find a man of God and a man that went to church is if I also went to church... WELL DUH!!! That's when I realized that she was right. How could I ask for something I was not, for something I didn't myself even do. Yes I went to church (catholic church as I was raised) but I only attended on Sundays and it was the in and out type of deal. I wasn't involved in church, I didn't know what was going on. Then Laura said, I have an idea, why dont you come to church with me this Saturday and see how you like it, I might have some single friends I could introduce you to...(that was the catch!!!) So there I was on Saturday going to Del Sol Church.

           It might seem maybe dumb or stupid that that was what drew me to church, but the truth is, I am glad that whatever the reason was I found God in a way that I had never imagined! Yes I got introduced to single friends of Laura (If you were wondering that side of the story) and yes I found some to be attractive or nice, BUT the point of this story is that I found what I was least looking for, GOD! I wasn't looking for Him because I thought I had him in my life already, I thought I had it all. I was wrong...

         Little by little as each saturday came, I found myself wanting more. In just one month I was a regular attendee, I involved myself in ministry, completed a membership class and was signed up for baptism! My life truly changed around in just 4 short weeks. In those weeks I also received the biggest present I have ever gotten, Laura gifted me a Bible :) I can't express how happy I was to receive it but more amazed was I when I first opened it and began reading and immediately I teared up. Psalm 119:79-88 was the first I read and I knew God was with me! 

This is my testimony of such experience: 

"Before receiving Christ, I coped with life thru professional counseling and even though it helped me greatly in many areas, now I see that what was missing all along was God in my life.  I found myself constantly questioning God and so many times I turned my head up and asking "why me? Until when?", but never had I asked for help, or accepted him to direct my life.  My motivation in life came thru wanting to prove to others that I could do what  they told me I couldn't. Never was I motivated by knowing that  God was by my side and that he has a plan for my life. 

I trusted my life to christ and accepted him into my life a couple years ago in a time where everything was the worst. I remember feeling so tired of everything that one day in the middle of my room I broke down and thought "I can't do this anymore, I need you!' It was a circumstance in which I had done everything I thought I could to fix things, but never had I realized the only answer was God and allowing him to direct my life . After this I saw some changes, but I was hungry for more., because giving your life to God is only the beginning, I needed a church in which I could follow him and serve him, and for the longest time I didn't know where to go. It wasn't until a very close friend invited me to Saturday Night Service here at Del Sol that I felt at home and found myself not wanting to leave. 

At the time I came to Del Sol, I still had a lot of struggles in my life and I still do, however, that weekend truly turned my life around. I felt God's presence like i had never before and I just knew I was meant to be here and wanted to serve him. My motivation now comes from reading the bible daily, and having the opportunity to be part of a ministry which I have recently involved myself in. Today I can truly say that not only have I accepted christ in my life, but i have also decided to serve him. With this baptism I am giving public testimony of it and I am also renewing my parents decision to baptize me as a child. All in all I know this is one of the most important decisions in my life and I am so blessed to be here today sharing my story."

         Now I look forward to going to church and knowing more and more about God. I have found my life, my heart and my attitude turn completely around and I couldn't ask for more. There are times in which I ask myself "how was a living before knowing God?" and the answer is I have no clue, but I do know something "No wonder things seemed so bad!" I am blessed to have found Christ and allow Him to come into my life! With him I can do it all! :D

The greatest thing that I experienced in giving my life to Christ and attending Del Sol in search of love, is that I stepped in looking for someone; a man to love and a man I could love in return. Well I found exactly that, I Jesus I found the only man I need in my life and the one who loved me even before I was aware of it. The one who loved me so much that died for me. I came to Del Sol looking for a man, and I found Him, I found Jesus and the greatest feeling and strongest part of my testimony is that I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM! <3 

Have you allowed Christ to take control of your life and make it better? If you havent, when will you? Trust me, it will be the best decision you will have ever made! I encourage you, let Him in your heart, the rewards are endless.... <3