For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.
-Habakkuk 2:3
A couple of days ago I received great news and a blessing from God. A dream completely come true and a much desired prayer answered. I cant help but to share this great news with those of you who have eagerly and faithfully stood by my side in encouraging me that this day would come. (To which I immediately send a text message to or made a phone call). But to those of you who had no idea, I hope this serves as a means to find hope in the longings of the heart, and those desires, goals and dreams that seem impossible to reach.
If you have read my previous posts and if you recall one specifically titled "The Salvation To My Life's Worth Struggles", you will remember that I talked about loosing a paid internship and that if it wasn't for that I would have not found God the way that I did, because the given circumstances at the time pointed to Him being my only answer. The reason that I lost my internship, to which I did not explain in that specific post, is due the fact that my lawyer failed to submit my application for deferred action, or the dream act as most people know of it. As a result I did not receive a working permit, causing me to not have legal working status and lose my internship.
Its been 18 years that I was brought across the border to have a better future. 18 years in which life was harder compared to the other kids and my friends at school. Some ask "why not go back to your country once you are old enough to do so?" The answer is always the same, "go back to what?". The saddest thing for people in my situation, is to be born in a country to which one feels so disconnected from. I love my culture and the country I was born at, yet I have learned to love all these things through photos and stories of others. As every country, Mexico has its good and its bad things, and for a long time I lived with the fear of having to return and not knowing what to expect or what would happen to me. But this post is not about thinking about all the bad things that happened to me as a result, but rather rejoice in the hardships and God's plan to be fulfilled at His perfect timing.
I have received so many blessings because of my parents' decision to bring me across the border in such a way. I was forced to work harder and be careful in my actions. Actions that others would take for granted because they didn't fear getting in trouble, and as a result possible deportation. I was also forced to excel in school, so that when the time came I could shine above others with legal status and convince the government I was worth keeping. I grew to be thankful and appreciative of the things I had, that others in my exact situation didn't, and even worse those who with legal status didn't even have a home to go to.
Having grown up "living under the shadows" as many refer to, caused to me get a sense of maturity, I would probably not have achieved if things had been easy for me. When the time came to graduate high school, only God knows how we got through all the loops to get accepted and enrolled in college. I was blessed to have that opportunity, but with the hardships of college came more blessings. Because of my status I could not take advantage of getting school paid for, with either financial aid, grants, or scholarships, much less hold a legal job with enough money to pay at least half of tuition. Therefore, I had to come up with the money to pay for school on my own. I did this by helping out in my dad's business, asking countless friends if I could borrow money, babysitting, tutoring, and lots of fundraising; valentines day baskets, mothers day flowers, bracelets, knitted scarfs, phone charms to name a few, and the biggest Christmas money maker: Tamales! So what's the blessing behind this? Well I get to graduate not only with my bachelor's degree but also my master's degree, with no debt, no loans and a degree I can call completely mine. Isn't that a blessing?
However, that was not the only hardship, because of the fear of having to one day return to Mexico, I forced myself to get a degree that was "worth it". Worth the money and sacrifices we were making to pay for such degree and also one that would open doors to which ever place in the world I ended up in. As not having much of a choice of colleges, I decided to obtain one of the most important if not the most important degree that my university is known for. That's what took me to engineering and as a result of taking full advantage of the university I decided to major in the core of such, metallurgy; The University of Texas at El Paso (UTEP) originally known as the Texas College of Mines & Metallurgy (TCM). It might come as surprise to some that I struggled a lot to get my degree, because I dont consider myself to have naturally the mind of an engineer. Because of my circumstances, I trained my mind to think as an engineer, and pushed myself to be able to call myself what I am now... an Engineer.
Obtaining my bachelor's degree was a huge accomplishment in my life, but God knew there was more that I could give, and more strength in me to keep going. He sent the right people in my life to encourage me to pursue a master's degree and cleared my finances by half as my friend Daniela offered to help with part of my tuition expenses. 3/4 into my masters degree, deferred action is approved and here I go applying hoping for the best. But I stumbled as my expectations were not met and I lost my internship. God knew best. Now as I am getting ready to graduate and two weeks away from defending my thesis and having my mind focused on only that, God surprises me with a case approval and an employment authorization card in the mail.
I sit here now and look back at all those years of struggling, first with an unknown language, then with missed opportunities and finally with a broken heart of not seeing beyond the fear of deportation. Its been a long wait and a long time in which God was working in me and leading me to exactly were I am at. But I cant help but to feel so thankful for every struggle and every stone I faced. With this permit God has given me freedom. Freedom to reach my full potential and freedom to be the best he has created me to be. The biggest lesson that I get from this experience, is what Paul writes in Philippians, where he shares that he has found to be content regardless of his circumstances. I have learned to do that, to rejoice in the hardships, rather than to complain and let them discourage me. Most importantly I have learned to be strong in The Lord.
"10 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
-Philippians 4:10-13 (NIV)
I may not know what happens from now on, and I still dont know where I am going to end up, but one thing I know for sure is that God knows best. He has planned every single one of our lives so carefully that our futures are so bright. He wants us to shine, but only when He knows we are ready. A lot of us tend to alter God's plans for us by the wrong decisions and choices we make, but He always finds the way to put us back on track. As crazy as it sounds, the best feeling that comes from giving my life to Christ is not knowing. Not knowing were I am going to end up, not knowing the details of how my future will be and so much more things I dont know; but knowing that His timing is perfect, that He loves me enough to carefully plan my life, and that in trusting in Him, I know and hold His promises true. I hold on to His word, I hold on to His promises, I hold on to His truth and I let Him hold on to my life, to my heart and my soul.
"All of my life, in every season, You are still God
I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship
I will bring praise, No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare, God is my victory and He is here"
(Desert Song by Hillsong United)
